Marin threw a dart in my kitchen wall.

Expect a bill for the damage, Marin...

Marin had the nerve to ask me who MARTHA WAINWRIGHT was.

Doesn't her name give it away??!?

A Story About Marin- by Je Suis La Française, Lithium and Captain Howdy

Once upon a time, there lived a... man? woman? boy? girl? human?... let's just say "thing"... there lived a thing called Marin. Marin liked to think he was a "real" man as he was in love with Die Hard. However, Marin could never be a real man due to his lack of facial hair growing ability. However, he wasn't a woman because a) he's not good enough and b) he loves Die Hard!!! Therefore he was just a "thing." In its spare time, this "thing" liked to criticise physics theories as "it" believed everything was magic. Marin also loved to read his Bible. Marin loved the ickle baby Jesus, as well as being in love with Eminem. Marin was a stout believer in Juilianity - which he followed to the extreme - even to the point of Lent being 2 weeks long. However, enough general info about Marin... this is a story about the day that Marin floated! Marin was just in his bedroom listeing to 50 cent when he realised his feet were off the ground! He knew it was magic!!! He floated up, up into the air and almost out the window! Grabbing his trusty Bible Marin drifted on the breeze... Marin was heading toward Wordsley Church. "Hooray" he thought. Suddenly the wind changed direction and he was headed to NETHERTON! Marin was very concerned. "Oh no!" he thought, "what if I float so far away, SO far away that i never see my lovely mother again?!" But then he realised she would probably welcome this change of lifestyle and continued to float over the hills of N-N-N-NETHERTON!!! *screams* As Marin looked down on the streets below him he saw a fruit and veg store. "VEGETABLES" he cried! But in all of his excitement he dropped his Bible! He was devestated. In the last ten seconds he had realised that his beloved mother hated him and he had lost his precious Bible. So what was Marin to do...if only there was some way he could go back in time and invent physics and the laws of gravity! But of course - physics don't exist - and so Marin had no hope. He wished oh so much that he could float down to the fruit and veg store. Carrots would make everything right once more! So with no hope of love from his mother, no Bible and the smell of lovely vegetables now far behind him, Marin was becoming desperate. "How shall I ever get down?" he thought. "I'm going to miss my favourite programme- Neighbours! I love them all... especially Harold..." Marin had a plan...he still had some of Dale's extra strength hair growing cream left. He was hoping if he grew enough hair it would weigh him down and he would go back to earth, walk home and give a big hug to his mom and cuddle up on the sofa with his favoutite neighbours freinds on tv to keep him company. However - Marin forgot one vital fact - his lack of facial hair growing ability! No amount of cream was strong enough to help! "what would Jesus do?" he found himself asking!!! "I know" he thought. "Jesus would turn one loaf and one fish into a meal to feed thousands! Aw, isn't he awesome... oh no wait... fish and bread won't help me..." Luckily Marin knew the Bible off by heart and so could think about all the things that Jesus had done. Unfortunately Jesus had never been floating out of control so Marin was back to sqaure one. He decided he needed a miracle, except a different one to in the Bible! Oh how he wished that he could be like Jesus!! Suddenly the guidance of his Lord sparked a memory in his 'brain'. Jesus would turn the other cheek! This was of great importance as if Marin applied the extra strength hair growing cream to his cheeks instead he could grow super sideburns which could bring him back to Earth! Hallelujah! Marin took the cream from his pocket and looked at it. He was a little reluctant to apply it as last time it had turned him into an orangutan... luckily, even though it was never supposed to wear off, weeks in rehab had returned Marin to his former self (unfortunately.) But he had no other choice! He could not ignore the guidance from his Lord! He applied the remainder of the cream to his cheeks. "Now all I have to do is wait for the effect to start to happen!" But he had forgotten that it took a while for the cream to kick in. "Oh No, where shall I float to whilst I'm waiting! I might end up in the scrubby end of Dudley!!" Thankfully - Marin floated into his favourite place in the world - JJB sports where he could satisfy all his sporting and rap music needs. Oh if only he could reach that burberry tracksuit! He stared at the tracksuit longingly... "Hang on! I know what to do!" So Marin slowly began to float in order to reach the tracksuit he had wanted to buy for so long. But whilst he was floating, how was he to try it on?! He was devestated. Fortunately his favourite song came playing out the stereo- Eminem's newest hit. This made Marin feel much better. But, as Marin began to grow weary of Eminem's "songs" he began to wish he could just get close enough to put his trusty 50 Cent cd into the stereo. His lyrics had touched Marin's heart and helped him almost as much as his Bible in spiritual guidance. He especially loved his amazing grammar. As he floated out of the store, he bagan to hear Avril Lavigne's music! "Oh No! Avril lavigne! I hate her, she has no face!!!" There is only one thing that Marin hates more than Avril Lavigne and that is the Britney Spears poster on his bedroom wall! That, and good grammar. Marin hates good grammar. Marin can't grammar... Felix can grammar... well anyone can grammar better than Marin, it's not hard. Marin loves Biology. If only he could be a biology magician - just like his best friend, God.

Marin invented Nuclear War, and the DEATH of puppies*!

RISE UP AGAINST YOUR EVIL MASTERS AND DESTROY THE BRINGER OF DEATH.

*Other man-made and natural disasters are available